Tina's story - “Admiral Nurses are worth their weight in gold”

“I have a great relationship with the Dementia at Work Admiral Nurses”

When I look back, there were a lot of telltale signs that Maureen was developing dementia. It started with little things, like forgetting her handbag and keys. But we really knew something was wrong last Christmas. Maureen was always very organised with her gifts and would start shopping months in advance, but on Christmas Day, she turned up at our house with just a packet of After Eight mints in a Sainsbury’s bag. She was also trying to give the gifts that we had bought back to us. She seemed so vulnerable. 

I work at Nationwide Building Society as the Head of Customer Support Operations. My team supports our most vulnerable customers, so we work very closely with our Dementia at Work Admiral Nurses, Rebecca and Gary.  

I spoke to Rebecca about my concerns about Maureen and she advised me to book a GP appointment. She said Maureen could simply have a urinary tract infection (UTI) that was causing her symptoms.  

My husband, Matt, struggled to acknowledge that anything was wrong with his mum, so I decided to call the doctor myself. I asked the receptionist to call Matt back, and we made an appointment for Maureen. We explained to Maureen that we’d noticed she was getting forgetful and that we thought it was a good idea to have a checkup.  

The GP carried out a memory test, which Maureen performed badly in. She was then referred to the memory clinic and diagnosed within two months of my initial call. Maureen was devastated when she was diagnosed, but she then forgot about it and we haven’t discussed it since.  

Getting a formal diagnosis of dementia confirmed what we already knew. But it still felt very emotional, and the reality dawned on us that Maureen had a terminal illness. We were very worried about the future. 

“We had so many questions”

I’m the practical and organised one of the family. Maureen still had mental capacity, so I got lasting power of attorney sorted out straight away so we can make decisions about her care and finances on her behalf as her dementia progresses. We organised a visit from Social Services to make sure her flat was safe for her to live in alone. But we still had so many questions about what would happen next. 

That’s when I reached out to Admiral Nurse Rebecca, and she arranged an online clinic appointment for us. My brother- and sister-in-law also joined the call with me and Matt. It was amazing to have an appointment with multiple family members, as it helped us to understand how each other was feeling.  

Matt is the oldest sibling and so bears the brunt of everything. He puts everyone else first and tries to protect everyone. The Admiral Nurse reminded him that he doesn’t need to shoulder all the responsibility on his own, and to let other family members help. She was brilliant.  

The Admiral Nurse also brought to life what Maureen would be experiencing, which helped us to be more patient with her. One thing that has really stayed with us was her saying that although Maureen may forget things, she will always remember how we make her feel. 

Maureen and her granddaughter

“The Admiral Nurse reassured Matt that how he was feeling was normal”

On another occasion, Matt was having a particularly bad week, with Maureen calling him constantly throughout the day. I booked him a face-to-face Nationwide dementia clinic appointment in Warrington. The Admiral Nurse really listened to Matt and was able to help him emotionally. Sometimes you need someone outside of your family and friends to tell you that what you’re feeling is okay. He just needed to talk it out.  

Matt wears his heart on his sleeve and really struggles with worrying about the future. He didn’t know how he would cope with the possibility of his mum not recognising him. The Admiral Nurse reassured Matt that everything he was feeling was completely normal. She gave Matt space to get emotional, and he’s so much stronger for it.   

“Admiral Nurses are worth their weight in gold”

Maureen can no longer go out on her own or do her food shopping or washing, so I do those things for her now. This is the new normal and we have to make the best of it. She isn’t ready to go into a care home, but we will know when to push that button. We want to keep her at home for as long as possible. 

We’re on a journey with Maureen, and I know the next phase will be difficult. It’s reassuring to know that the Admiral Nurses will be there for us when we reach that stage. I would recommend an appointment to anyone who needs support. I have let many Nationwide colleagues know about the service, and they have gone on to receive brilliant help and advice. 

When your loved one is diagnosed with dementia, you’re flung into a world that you’ve never been in before. Having confirmation that we’re doing everything right really helps. Admiral Nurses are worth their weight in gold.