Caring for a person with dementia can be very challenging and can often bring about feelings of guilt, even when you’re trying your best.
We explain why these feelings might arise, and how you can cope with them.
There are many reasons why you may experience guilt when you care for someone with dementia – for example, if:
- you’re tired
- you are unable to be with the person all day and night
- you sometimes resent your caring responsibilities
- you want some time to yourself
- you sometimes feel angry or frustrated with the person – especially if these feelings bubble over
- you need to reconsider a promise or decision that you made earlier – for example, “I’ll never put you into a care home”
- you feel you’re not living up to your own – or other people’s – expectations of what a caregiver should be
Caring for someone with dementia can be extremely hard, and you can only do it if you are in good health yourself.
You may not be able to prevent feelings of guilt entirely, but try to be kind to yourself to avoid becoming overwhelmed by these feelings.
Reassure yourself that you’re only human and that it’s normal to sometimes feel angry, distressed or resentful.
Remind yourself that it’s simply not possible to care for someone on your own 24 hours a day – and that you’re doing the best you can.
Try to think about what the person with dementia would do if the roles were reversed and they were caring for you. What would you want them to do for you? And would you want them to feel guilty or upset if they were finding their caring role difficult?
If circumstances change, and you need to use paid carers or respite services or move the person you care for into a home, try not to see this as a personal failure, or as letting the person down.
You did not ask for this job and have not been trained for it – and seeking professional support can actually relieve you of some of your caring responsibilities so you can focus on enjoying your time with the person with dementia.
Caring for someone with dementia can be challenging and exhausting, so try not to feel guilty if you can’t do everything yourself, or if you need extra help.
These tips may help you feel better supported and more able to care for the person with dementia.
- Arrange for a carer to visit on a regular basis to help with practical tasks like washing and dressing, or to sit with the person or take them out for a walk or drive so you can take a break
- Ask for help from family and friends. They might think you’re coping well and not realise the extent of your caring responsibilities. People often like to feel useful and may be pleased if they’re asked
- Request a Carer’s Assessment from Social Services, as you may be entitled to respite care for the person with dementia, or other accommodations to help you in your caring role
- Ask your GP or social worker if there are any local sources of support – for example, carers’ support groups or volunteer befrienders who could visit the person at home
- Find out if you or the person you care for are eligible for any benefits to make daily life easier – see Sources of support below for details of our information on financial support
If you need advice on any aspect of dementia, please call the Dementia Helpline on 0800 888 6678 (Monday-Friday 9am-9pm, Saturday and Sunday 9am-5pm, every day except 25th December), email email@example.com or you can also book a phone or virtual appointment with an Admiral Nurse.
Dementia UK information
- Looking after yourself when you care for someone with dementia
- Financial and legal sources of support