What is a sandwich carer?

Being a ‘sandwich carer’ means caring for an older, ill or disabled adult – often a parent or parent-in‑law – while looking after your children or younger relatives at the same time. If this sounds like you, you are a sandwich carer. Many sandwich carers are also working. 

Balancing dual caring roles can be challenging and tiring. 79% of unpaid carers report that they feel stressed or anxious, and 49% say that they feel depressed. However, there are ways to manage the many different responsibilities. Our dementia specialist Admiral Nurses offer advice on coping with sandwich caring. 

How many people are sandwich carers?

Around 2.4m people in the UK care for both older and younger generations, according to Carers UK. At least one in seven people combine paid employment with unpaid caring. Most sandwich carers are aged 45‑64, and three in five are women. 

Am I a carer?

Many people who support a person with dementia do not consider themselves to be carers. You might think that you are simply doing what is expected of you within your relationship with the person, or your caring duties might have become so routine that you rarely reflect on how much you are doing. However, you are considered a carer if you regularly look after the person with dementia and support them with: 

• washing and dressing
• getting out and about 
• attending medical appointments 
• taking medication 
• household tasks like shopping, cleaning and laundry 
• looking after their bills and finances 
• providing company, or watching over them if they cannot be left alone 

As a carer, you have certain rights at work and may be able to access benefits such as Carer’s Allowance, so it is important to recognise that you are fulfilling this important role. 

Tips for sandwich carers

• Talk to your employer, if you are working. You have certain legal rights to help you balance your work and caring responsibilities, for example requesting flexible working and taking unpaid carer’s leave 
• Share the load. If you can, ask family, friends or neighbours to help with school runs, shopping or sitting with your loved one 
• Plan for emergencies. Think about who could step in at short notice to help out – for example, if the person with dementia has to go to hospital and you need someone to look after your child, or vice versa. This may be especially important if you are a single parent or the sole carer for the person with dementia 
• Plan short breaks, if possible: using a day centre, befriending or sitting service or respite care for the person with dementia can give you a much-needed break and free up time to spend with your child and other family members and friends  
• Stay organised. Shared calendars or care apps can help you track medication, appointments, children’s activities such as parents’ evening and sports matches, and other commitments. WhatsApp groups can help you keep in touch with multiple family members in one place 
• Keep communication open. Take time as a family to talk on a regular basis about what dementia is and the impact on everyone within the family. Children and young adults may have different views, questions and levels of understanding, so it is important that they feel supported. If appropriate, include children in making decisions, especially if these decisions will impact on them. This will ensure they feel heard and included, especially if you have less time to spend with them than usual  
• Consider speaking to the child’s school. It may be helpful to make them aware of the family situation so they understand the causes of any changes in your child’s behaviour and can offer support. Also, make sure it has secondary contact details for a responsible adult in case you cannot be reached, for example if your child is unwell and you are busy looking after the person with dementia 
• Request assessments to ensure that you are getting all the support and help available – please see below 
• Look after yourself. Try to make time to attend to your own needs. You might feel guilty about prioritising things like exercise, seeing friends and getting enough sleep, but to be able to manage your caring responsibilities, it is important to take care of your own needs 
• Manage your own health conditions. As a sandwich carer, it can be easy to focus on the needs of those you care for and neglect your own health. But it is vital to manage any health conditions you live with, and to seek support from a GP if you have concerns so you can continue in your dual caring roles 
• Check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “How am I coping? How are we coping? What are the challenges we as a family are facing in terms of our physical and mental health?”  
• Reach out for support. Our free Helpline is staffed by dementia specialist Admiral Nurses and offers support seven days a week (except 25th December) on 0800 888 6678 or at helpline@dementiauk.org. Or you can book a phone or video appointment with an Admiral Nurse