I still cherish every moment I have with Jan – Bob’s story
Bob, who has been married to Jan for 62 years, reflects on their beautiful relationship in spite of a heartbreaking journey with dementia.
As a dementia progresses, many people struggle with their personal hygiene. This can lead to infections and skin damage, and can also be embarrassing for the person with dementia and those around them. Here, you can read advice on supporting a person with dementia with personal care.
It is common for people with dementia to refuse help with personal care. Some find it easier to accept help from a family member, while others prefer to be supported by a paid carer. They may be more comfortable with someone of the same sex.
Try not to feel guilty if you decide you need professional help. Paid carers are experienced in helping people with personal hygiene, and this can reduce stress for both you and the person with dementia.
If you need support with helping a person with dementia with personal hygiene, please speak to a GP or social worker. You can also speak to a dementia specialist Admiral Nurse for advice.
When supporting a person with dementia to have a bath or shower, be respectful of their usual preferences – if they have always preferred a bath, they may be reluctant to use the shower. If using a shower, they may feel more comfortable and safer using a shower seat.
These tips may help:
To make cutting and cleaning the person’s fingernails and toenails less stressful, try doing it after a bath or shower – as well as removing dirt, the water will soften the nails so they are easier to cut. Alternatively, you could encourage them to soak their hands and feet first.
Giving the person a gentle hand massage may help them relax, but if they become distressed, take a break and try again later.
If the person enjoys choosing and wearing nail varnish, try making cleaning and cutting nails part of a manicure.
You could also look for a local chiropodist or podiatrist with experience in working with people with dementia to help with nailcare.
Some people with dementia enjoy having their hair washed, cut and styled, but others find it stressful. Keep in mind that hair usually does not need washing as frequently as the body – once a week may be sufficient.
Make sure you respect the person’s preferences with their hair. If they have long hair, for example, it may be tempting to cut it short so it needs less upkeep, but keeping their usual hairstyle is an important part of maintaining self-esteem.
These tips may make hair removal easier:
People with dementia may find it hard to accept help with dressing and cleanliness. These tips may help:
People with young onset dementia (where symptoms develop before the age of 65) may still be having periods.
While it is important to respect their wishes around sanitary protection, you may need to rethink which products to use. For example, if you need to help them change their protection, pads may be more appropriate than tampons.
Using a smartphone app to track the person’s cycle so you and they know roughly when to expect their period can be helpful. Setting reminders to change protection may also be useful.
During perimenopause and menopause, periods often become lighter, heavier or less regular, and will eventually stop. The person may need your help to understand and manage these changes.
Children or young people who have a family member who struggles with personal hygiene may find this embarrassing or upsetting.
It is important to explain that the changes are the result of the person’s dementia and are not deliberate. You could also support the person to wash and change their clothes before they spend time with the child.
If a young person needs to help with personal care – particularly if their parent has young onset dementia – think about what tasks are and are not suitable for them to help with. For example, helping their parent use the toilet may not be appropriate, but they may like to help them choose clothes or brush their hair.
It is a good idea to request a young carer’s assessment from social services to establish what help the child or young person may need in their caring role. Your GP or social worker may also be able to suggest young carers’ support groups.
If you need advice on any aspect of dementia, please call the Dementia Helpline on 0800 888 6678 (Monday-Friday 9am-9pm, Saturday and Sunday 9am-5pm, every day except 25th December), email helpline@dementiauk.org or you can also book a phone or virtual appointment with an Admiral Nurse.
Our virtual clinics give you the chance to discuss any questions or concerns with a dementia specialist Admiral Nurse by phone or video call, at a time that suits you.
Bob, who has been married to Jan for 62 years, reflects on their beautiful relationship in spite of a heartbreaking journey with dementia.
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