Neil's story - "The Nationwide clinic was a breath of fresh air"

In early 2019, Marie started forgetting words whilst teaching in class. She didn’t tell me to start with and made an appointment with the GP as she suspected that she might be going through menopause. Marie was then referred for a scan in July 2019, which was when I found out about her memory issues. I thought it could have been down to the stress of working such long hours.  

We never even considered dementia 

Following the scan, Marie was referred for a memory test and she was asked to identify a series of objects, but she couldn’t recognise any of them. That’s when we became really concerned.  

In early November 2019, Marie was diagnosed with semantic dementia at 50 years old. I had never even considered that it would be dementia. We were so young, I thought dementia is something you got in your 80s. We got straight onto Google to research the condition. We were in shock and struggled to accept the diagnosis.  

Apart from forgetting words, Marie was still in good health. We decided not to tell the children until after the Christmas holidays as they had lots of celebrations coming up including graduation, 18th and 21st birthdays in the weeks after Marie’s diagnosis. Marie carried on with work and the school was very understanding and modified her timetable. Shortly after, Covid hit. Selfishly, it was nice for us to be able to work remotely and spend lots of time together at home as a family. We really tried to make the most of it.  

We live for the moment

Over the following couple of years, teaching became increasingly more difficult for Marie, and she went down to two days a week. By July 2023, the headteacher said that Marie couldn’t teach anymore and suggested that she took ill health retirement. We told the family just after Christmas. The children actually took it really well as they couldn’t really see any difference in their Mum at that time, and didn’t know much about semantic dementia.  

Marie’s forgetfulness has since progressed, and her short-term memory has pretty much gone. Her writing used to be excellent, but she can’t write anymore or speak French. I have given up work to be at home to care for Marie and to make sure she is safe around the house. The past year has been difficult, but I keep myself busy.  Both our boys have moved into new houses, so I spend a lot of time doing DIY jobs for them. We’ve also decorated our whole house, and I still do some exam invigilating. 

We’ve also been doing our best to live for the moment and spend time together as a family. We’ve been on lots of holidays since I retired as we can finally go out of term time! We went to Disney in May with all the children and their partners. Marie and I have also been back to Portugal a few times as she remembers it well and is familiar with the resort. 

The Admiral Nurse helped me feel in control

Marie recently had an episode in our local curry house, and she fainted at the table. We called an ambulance and one of the paramedics asked me if we’d spoken to an Admiral Nurse. I’d never heard of them before, but soon after that, I saw an advert for Admiral Nurse clinics in Nationwide branches. Marie and I both bank with Nationwide and our son also works for them, so it’s a bank that we’re very familiar with. It felt like the right time to seek support and so I reached out and booked an appointment.  

The Admiral Nurse we met at the Nationwide branch in Marlborough was fantastic. She gave us valuable advice on financial and legal issues including how to apply for PIP (Personal Independence Payment) and Lasting Power of Attorney. This helped me feel like I was in control, knowing we were more prepared for the future. She also told me about the Life 360 app which allows me to track Marie, so I know she is safe and that I will be able to find her if she goes out alone. It’s made a huge difference.  

The Admiral Nurse also gave me advice on how to look after myself as a carer and reminded me that emotional support is available for me too. I’ve been a typical bloke and kept my emotions to myself, but I know now that I don’t need to shy away from how I feel and there is someone to speak to. She gave us Dementia UK’s Helpline number and said we and the children can call if we ever need to. That is so reassuring because we’ve had no other support since Marie was diagnosed.  

The Nationwide clinic was a breath of fresh air  

Every appointment we’ve had with a healthcare professional has felt very cold and clinical. They have often left us with the reminder that there is no cure for dementia and there is little we can do. However, when we met the Admiral Nurse, it was like a breath of fresh air. She gave us hope and made us realise that with good planning, organisation and care, we can still live life to the full. We can learn how to deal with the challenges that living with dementia will bring with the knowledge that we can turn to Dementia UK when we need to.  

My advice to anyone in a similar situation to us would be ‘don’t hesitate, reach out to an Admiral Nurse as soon as possible!’. Although the Admiral Nurses have a wealth of knowledge and advice, they don’t bombard you with everything at once. They will answer the queries and concerns that you have at that moment in time.  

As the months and years go by, further appointments, which you can arrange as and when suits you and your family, will lead to clear advice and guidance on new queries you have. This drip feeding of support allows you, as a family, to deal with the realities of dementia and the challenges it brings, but most importantly live for the moment.