Nat's story - "Being a young carer can be lonely”

Nan was always very direct and to the point. If she didn’t like the hotel room on holiday, she would always complain. Nan loved shopping and would go to the shops most days.  

I care for Nan and Mum

In 2016, Nan started to repeat herself a lot and would ask the same question five times within 10 minutes. I was only 18 at the time and didn’t think too much of it. I just assumed that memory loss was a normal part of ageing. 

My mum spent a lot of time with Nan and also noticed a decline in her memory. One day when they were out shopping, Nan said she liked a jumper and wanted to buy it, even though she had bought the same jumper the day before. My mum made an appointment with the GP, and Nan was referred to the memory clinic. Within three months, she was diagnosed with mixed dementia, at age 81.  

When Nan was diagnosed, I didn’t completely understand what dementia was. I thought it was just a word used for people who start to forget things. Now I know it’s a lot more than just that. My mum was really worried about the future and did lots of research, but I don’t think all the research in the world can prepare you for what’s to come. Every person is so different.  

My mum quit her job as a GP receptionist to care for Nan full-time, but Mum later fractured her back which left her unable to walk or stand for long periods of time. It happened suddenly and after two trips to A&E, we found out it was due to osteoporosis (a condition that weakens the bones and makes them more likely to break). At the age of 26, I stepped in and became a carer for both Mum and Nan. My dad still works full time but helps with the cooking and takes my mum to hospital and physio appointments when I can’t.  

I have had to take a break from my job as a beautician to focus on my caring responsibilities. I had been feeling guilty about not giving Nan my full attention, so it was a relief to give up work. But I also loved my job, so I do miss it and sometimes worry about not making enough money.  

Being a young carer can be lonely

Despite her dementia, Nan is mostly happy and relaxed. She isn’t very mobile, but I take her out every day as she can walk short distances with a stick. She loves going to the garden centre and stopping for coffee and cake. Nan always sang to me as a child and now we sing together every day; it really helps us to connect with each other. Her favourite song is ‘If you’re happy and you know it’.  

There are days when I miss the person Nan used to be. We will often have the same conversation over and over again. Nan sometimes confuses me with Mum and gets frustrated. There have been times when she has shouted at me which is very out of character for her. It’s heartbreaking and I can’t help but cry.  

Being a young carer can be lonely. All my friends are buying houses and having children, whereas I’m still living at home and am always looking after Mum and Nan. I do sometimes wish I had my own life. I used to see my friends a lot but now I only see my best friend once a month. It’s difficult to find a lot of time to focus on myself. My friends feel like they can’t help me much as they can’t relate to what I’m going through.  

There is a lighter side to dementia

When someone you love is diagnosed with dementia, you think the worst and it’s all doom and gloom. But Nan and I still have a laugh together and she is so funny. I decided to start recording videos of myself and Nan and began posting them on my social media. I wanted to show people that there can be a lighter side to dementia, and you can still connect and have fun with your loved one. 

A lot of people comment on my videos to say they are going through similar experiences and that my content helps them to feel less lonely. Sharing our videos has also really helped me to connect with other young carers and to know that there are other people in a similar situation to me.  

I would recommend the Nationwide dementia clinics to anyone

When Nan was diagnosed, we were left to get on with it. But then my best friend sent me the link to the Nationwide dementia clinics, which offer free, confidential appointments with dementia specialist Admiral Nurses in branches across the UK. I thought it was a great idea to get some support, and I booked an appointment at my local branch in Bolton.  

I’d heard of Dementia UK, but I didn’t know that Admiral Nurses were available to speak to and support me. The nurse I spoke to was so lovely. I told her how lonely I was feeling and she really listened and understood. She was also young and had cared for her own grandad who had dementia. I felt like I connected with her, and she gave me the space and time to talk about how I was feeling, which was a great emotional support.  

The Admiral Nurse also gave me some great practical tips, like using a tracking tag to keep Nan safe when she goes out on her own. Nan has got lost before so that advice really helped. She gave me some information about local support groups and some information to take away and read. The Admiral Nurse also told me about Dementia UK’s free Helpline; it’s so reassuring to know that support is there if ever I need it.  

I wish I had known about Admiral Nurses when Nan was first diagnosed, but it’s never too late to get support. The Nationwide dementia clinic was a great opportunity to speak to a dementia expert, as friends and family don’t always understand your experiences in the same way.  

I’ve posted about the Nationwide clinics on my social media channels in the hope that people who follow me can also access this brilliant service. I would definitely recommend booking an appointment to anyone who needs support with caring for their loved one.