Will and Ronnie’s story – “I talk to everyone about dementia”
Ronnie and her son, Will, reflect on how her diagnosis of young onset Alzheimer’s disease has impacted their lives.
Often, people with dementia stop recognising those around them. This can be frightening for the person and upsetting for their family and friends. Our dementia specialist Admiral Nurses share why this happens and give advice on coping with this difficult stage.
Understanding dementia and lack of recognition
Why a person with dementia might stop recognising you
Sometimes, memory issues can cause someone to struggle to recognise their family or friends. The person with dementia may believe they are living in the past, reliving memories from when they were younger. They may expect their grown-up children to still be small, meaning they don’t recognise them as adults. They might believe that their parents are still alive, and mistake someone else for them. They might think they are still in a previous relationship and not recognise their partner.
In other cases, the part of the brain that is responsible for recognising faces can become damaged. This is referred to as ‘prosopagnosia’ or ‘face blindness’.
If a person with dementia is failing to recognise you or others for the first time or seems distressed in your company, there may be another underlying cause, such as an infection, constipation or a reaction to medication changes. It’s a good idea to make an appointment with their GP to rule out causes that could be treatable.
The stages of dementia and loss of recognition
At what stage of dementia might recognition become an issue?
Struggling to recognise people tends to become more common in the middle or late stages of dementia, although this can vary from person to person.
The emotional impact when someone with dementia forgets you
Coping with the emotional impact on family and friends
As a family member or friend of the person with dementia, it can be very hard when they don’t recognise you, particularly if you are close. You might feel a sense of grief and loss, even though they are still alive.
However, it doesn’t mean the person has totally forgotten you. They will often feel an attachment to you and enjoy your company even if they can’t remember your name or how you are connected to them.
If, as a carer, you are finding this stage difficult to cope with, it’s important not to struggle alone. You might want to talk to someone about your feelings, such as a dementia specialist Admiral Nurse. You can also find new ways to enjoy your changing relationship, and take steps to look after yourself so you feel mentally stronger to cope with this change in your loved one.
Helping a person with dementia recognise family and friends
There are some ways in which you can help the person recognise their family members and friends.
Using photos as memory aids
Photos can be useful in reminding a person with dementia who someone is.
- Put photos around the home of important times that you spent together, such as weddings, birthdays and holidays
- Choose photos that show the progression of time – for example, a picture of their children as toddlers, at a midpoint of their life, and in recent times
- Keep a photo album on display and mark photos with people’s names, the year and the event
Talking about shared experiences
While the person with dementia may have difficulty with short-term memory, they may still have clear memories of past events. Make time to engage with them if they speak about the past, particularly when it comes to happy memories.
- Ask the person about the memories they talk about. Conversations about happy memories that feel familiar will help them feel at ease
- Try not to keep reminding them of more recent events that they’re having trouble grasping, such as the death of their parents, as this can cause distress and confusion
- Think about working on a life story together – a record of their past and present life that can encourage connection and reminiscence
Creating a supportive environment
Making sure that the person feels supported and comfortable, even if they are confused, is important and will reassure them that you are someone they can feel safe with.
- Be reassuring; look the person in the eye and smile
- Make sure the environment is calm and relaxed to avoid causing additional distress
- Provide familiar objects to help ground them, for example a favourite blanket or a soft toy or doll that they can engage with
Practical tips for communicating
The role of non-verbal communication
Some people struggle with verbal communication as dementia develops. This could also cause difficulties with them recognising people, especially if their memory for names is affected. However, there are other ways that you can engage with the person.
- Wear clothes that the person associates with you, such as a top that you wear a lot, or a jumper you wore when you were younger
- Keep your body language open and soft, making sure you appear approachable
- Keep your tone of voice light and soothing
- Wear perfume or aftershave that the person associates with you, and encourage them to wear their favourite fragrance – familiar smells often trigger memories
- Encourage them to take part in activities that you can enjoy together, like listening to familiar music, watching a favourite film, drawing or colouring, doing jigsaw puzzles, or going for a walk together so you can enjoy each others company even if they are unsure who you are
How to respond when someone doesn’t recognise you
If the person with dementia is struggling to recognise you, introduce yourself and explain the connection between you: for example, “Hello Mum, it’s Julie, your daughter, and I have little Danny, your grandson, with me.”
If the person is getting agitated, take yourself to another room for a few minutes before coming back in calmly, and saying something like, “Hello, I’m back now. How lovely to see you.”
Try not to correct the person if they get your name wrong or say something that isn’t true – this can lead to distress and frustration on all sides.
Keep in mind that while it is upsetting when a person with dementia, they are still likely to know that you are someone special to them. Finding ways to connect, whether that’s going for a walk, watching a film or looking at photos, can help to maintain the bond between you even if they can’t remember your name or the relationship between you
Sources of support
To speak to a dementia specialist Admiral Nurse about loss of recognition or any other aspect of dementia, call our free Dementia Helpline on 0800 888 6678 (Monday-Friday 9am-9pm, Saturday and Sunday 9am-5pm, every day except 25th December) or email helpline@dementiauk.org. If you prefer, you can pre-book a phone or video appointment at a time that suits you.
