Christmas can be the most magical time of the year, but it can also be stressful and emotionally challenging, especially for those affected by dementia.Our Admiral Nurses have pulled together a list of tips to help you have the happy and relaxing Christmas that you deserve.
Over the Christmas period, services like pharmacies, shops, GPs, dentists and mental health services have reduced opening hours. To make sure you’re not caught out, try to get things sorted in good time before you start celebrating with friends or family.
Get the shopping done well in advance, order and collect any prescriptions you or the person you care for will need, and organise paid care cover if necessary.
Write a list of out of hours contacts for services like the GP, emergency dentist, pharmacies, mental health services and social services, so you can relax knowing you’re prepared if anything happens.
If you’re visiting friends or family, especially if you’re staying over, pack well in advance so you can double-check that you haven’t forgotten anything.
If you’re celebrating with guests or visiting friends or relatives, make sure they know beforehand that your loved one has dementia. If it’s easier or helpful, you could just tell them that the person has memory problems, and ask them to keep conversations clear and simple.
If your friends, family or guests know that the person has dementia, but hasn’t seen them in a while, let them know of any changes to expect.
It’s good to involve the person with dementia when planning activities, if you can – make sure they know what’s going to happen, and that they’re happy with it, but equally, try not to overload them with too many choices or expectations, as some people with dementia can find this overwhelming.
Try to follow your loved one’s normal likes and dislikes when it comes to food and drink.
If they have a smaller appetite, keep their portions small, and talk them through what’s on their plate if that would help them. Check in with them during the meal to see if they are managing, and discreetly offer help, if needed.
If the person enjoys an alcoholic drink, they should be free to enjoy one, but bear in mind that some alcohol can interfere with some medication or can be disorientating for a person with dementia.
Have a conversation with your pharmacist or other health professional about medication if you’re unsure or think about offering them alcohol-free varieties of beer and wine.
Christmas can be especially difficultif you’re spending it alone – perhaps your loved one has moved into care, or you’ve been bereaved. Give yourself time to process your feelings, be kind to yourself, and spend your Christmas in whatever way you need to.
Coping with loss and bereavement can take a long time, and even if you thought you were doing ok, you might experience a ‘dip’ around a family-oriented time like Christmas.
This may mean you don’t want to celebrate the holiday, or that you feel you need to be around friends or family. You might even want to do something completely different, like voluntary work for people in need. Visit the Community Christmas website to find out about community events happening in your area that you could help with.
If you need someone to talk to, our Admiral Nurse Helpline (details below) can provide support. Here, you can also find contact details for other support you can access on Christmas Day.
The noise and hubbub of a busy family Christmas can be overwhelming for a person with dementia, so try to avoid overstimulating them with sights and sounds.
If you can, reduce unnecessary noise like Christmas crackers and loud music, and limit competing noises – for example, turn off the TV if people are talking.
Children can be a great distraction and source of enjoyment, but you may need to monitor the amount of time the person with dementia spends with young visitors, and look out for signs that they’re becoming tired or that noise levels are getting difficult for them to tolerate.
Keep activities short, with a pause every 30-40 minutes, and if you can, set aside a quiet room where they can have some downtime. You can make an unfamiliar room welcoming by bringing one of the person’s sofa cushions from their home, spraying a familiar scent or playing music they love.
Try to think of things to do that might engage or evoke memories for the person with dementia. For example, you could build a scrapbook together using photos from previous family Christmases or revive family traditions like playing charades or singing familiar songs together.
If the person is a Christian, or used to have some Christian beliefs, you could try to engage them in the spiritual side of Christmas, too: sing hymns, read the nativity story or go to church – anything that might spark memories or make the person feel peaceful and connected to their faith.
If you’re caring for someone this Christmas, or spending the day alone, find out about support groups near you. Local centres might be holding a lunch or a meet-up – it might be comforting to spend time with other people in a similar situation to you, even if going out feels like a lot of effort.
Charity organisations like your local Age UK may have details of events happening over the festive period, and you may also be able to find information in local social media groups and through your GP surgery.
If you can’t get out, there may be local retailers and voluntary groups that can deliver shopping and other supplies for you. It’s a good idea to look into this in plenty of time in the weeks running up to Christmas.
Keep in mind what is manageable for the person with dementia. Allow your loved one to have a nap at lunchtime if they need to, and if they’re going back to their home at the end of the day, don’t leave it too late – try to take them home in daylight so they can see they’re back in their familiar environment, rather than waiting until it gets dark when they may be more confused or disorientated.
If you’re bringing a loved one with dementia out of their care home over the festive period, have a few practice runs. This will help you figure out if it’s realistic and achievable to take them out of their care home for Christmas.
Include the care home staff in your planning and ask them for their advice and how they might be able to support you.
If you’re anxious that your loved one won’t want to leave you at the end of the day, you could say ‘we have to go home now’, rather than ‘you have to go home’. If you’re doing things together, it can make things less confusing or frightening.
Once you arrive back at the home, go in with the person and have an activity ready like having a drink or showing their carer a gift that they received. Ask the staff to be there to welcome you back and distract your relative when you have to leave.
Make sure you include the person with dementia in your Christmas activities. If appropriate, you could ask them to help you wrap presents, put up decorations, set the table or peel potatoes.
If you’re celebrating Christmas with other people, give them pointers beforehand on how to make the person with dementia feel happy and included. Sometimes, when people know someone has a diagnosis of dementia, they behave differently towards them – for example, they might avoid speaking to the person for fear that they’ll get it wrong.
If you think this could be the case, advise your guests to make sure they smile and make eye contact with the person with dementia and, if helpful, keep conversations with them straightforward.
Christmas can be a stressful time – perhaps you have expectations of previous family Christmases to live up to; maybe relationships between relatives are strained; or you might be worried about how the change in routine will affect your loved one with dementia.
If you’re entertaining or cooking a big meal, try not to put too much pressure on yourself to make everything perfect – enjoy the day for what it is, and accept any help offered by others.
If you’re not visiting or having visitors, try to find time to do whatever brings you some peace – you could put on music you enjoy, or a film you love.
If you’re a carer, why not ask a friend or relative to sit with the person you care for while you take a break for a few hours?
If you need someone to talk to, you can call the Admiral Nurse dementia Helpline on 0800 888 6678 – it’s open every day apart from 25th December. If you’re looking for someone to talk to on Christmas Day, you can call Silver Line on 0800 470 8090.
Whether you have a question that needs an immediate answer or need emotional support when life feels overwhelming, these are the ways our dementia specialist Admiral Nurses can support you