Remembering my Dad, Terry

Getting a diagnosis

Shortly after his 80th birthday I noticed changes in dad’s short term memory – he struggled to get to grips with anything new. I arranged for him to have Sky Sports, but he just could not get the hang of how to use the remote control, no matter how many times I showed him.

Dad was referred to a memory clinic, an appointment that sadly never materialised. He suffered a fall at home, was delirious and admitted to hospital for nine weeks. He was diagnosed with vascular dementia and never walked again.

Changes in behaviour

I had no experience of dementia and found it difficult to see dad with the condition. He was a different person; physically aggressive and accusational. I did not know how to handle him, and as time went on and he moved into a nursing home I accepted that things would not get better.

At this time I turned to the wealth of information and resources provided by the Dementia UK website; I gained a much better understanding and discovered Admiral Nurses. I am immensely grateful to the Admiral Nurses who I spoke to on the Helpline and contacted via email when I was struggling to cope with dad’s condition and behaviour.

Setting up the website was straightforward. I used my remembrance page on my PC and mobile phone and found it very easy to navigate.

I created my tribute ; I found the experience of creating the website to be therapeutic and comforting.

I like that the page will be there forever and that I can go back to it whenever I want, which I do regularly. I get a lot of comfort from looking at the posts, candles and photos. I will continue to add messages on special occasions like birthdays and Father’s Day.

Donating in memory

Much Loved made it very easy for people to make a donation in my dad’s memory. The website has been an invaluable tool in enabling friends and family to make their donation contact-free.

My husband used Facebook to share the link. I also sent out emails and mentioned the page in the local online newspaper obituary. Together we managed to raise £776 for Dementia UK’s Admiral Nurses.

A tribute fund is a brilliant way to support a charity. As funerals are limiting the number of attendees, it is a way for people to express their feelings and condolences and to make a donation to a charity that they know is close to the heart of the bereaved family and know that their donation is going directly to the charity.

Until recently, I’d never seen a tribute page, now I think its’s a wonderful idea. It helped me at the time and continues to do so. In the modern age of technology it serves as a live tool that can be viewed and added to at any time by anyone, as a reminder of how much that person was loved and respected.